1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
