So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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