I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
