feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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