Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
