It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
