you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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