wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.