the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys