I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.