I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.