I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sext me about skeletons
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.