I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!