I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him