he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we're making bets on your personal life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
