Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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