so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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