oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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