Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
