Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
