She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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