The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
