His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Terrible idea I love it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
