I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
