but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
