Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
