Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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