went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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