I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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