Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
