Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
