I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
