the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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