If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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