hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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