Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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