you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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