Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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