We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
