I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
