Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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