well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
