i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
