and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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