How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
