IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
