This girl is more easily done than said...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
