Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have fence marks all over my body
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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