My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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