please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
