So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
