Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
