I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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