What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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