I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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