I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
