Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
