he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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