There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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