i think my tv is drunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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