he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
