I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
