I want to make a zoo with you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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