Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
