I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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