i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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