windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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