Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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