you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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