The maid of honor just puked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
