is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks